Sunday, October 18, 2009

We Are Thriving!

I am doing great and actually thriving! I love India and am happy here. Everything with Monica is going well. She is getting stronger physically each day with her walking. She has gone from full calipers (up to her waist) to just knee braces right now. It is amazing to see her improvements every day even without any sensations. On Monday she couldn't hold herself up in the new braces - they customized one for her feet and ankles and one for her knees. On Tuesday she could just stand using the parallel bars. On Wednesday she began walking using the bars. On Thursday she put on her shoes for the first time in seven months (without the feet and ankle braces) and practiced with the bars. On Friday she walked off the parallel bars (only in knee braces) around the physio room without any additional support (such as a walker or crutches) and I convinced her physio to let her take the elevator upstairs to the reception area to look outside. I believe she may even walk off the plane by the time we are done here. It is amazing how fast she can make gains sometimes. On Monday I never, ever dreamed she would be able to stand up in the new braces. On Friday she was ready to walk out the door!

The thing I love most is the miracles they have everyday in physio. It truly is a miracle that occurs when a paraplegic walks across the room in their calipers with a walker, or someone with ALS kicks the ball a little stronger, or a quadraplegic takes his first steps in calipers in over nine years, or a quadraplegic be able to move his thumb for the first time. I think that is why I am doing great. It is a positive inspirational place to be and you feel everyone from the patients, to the doctors, to the physio people, to the nurses, to the people that work at the front desk are behind the patient wanting them to succeed. I so wish that everyone could see what I see everyday. I do the "happy" dance all the time to celebrate each accomplishment with my new friends.

Monica's doctors - Dr. Shroff, Dr. Ashish, and Dr. Sudeep - all believe that Monica has something bigger than just the Lyme. They, nor in their research, have not been able to find anyone like her. Dr. Ashish agreed that no doctor in the world probably has seen a patient like Monica before. He said she is exactly like a paralyzed person. Monica's eyesight is still blurry and her swallowing is constricted, but like the fighter she is she has adapted and soldiers on. The doctors are truly amazed by her coping skills and adaptability along with her very positive attitude. I am so happy being here because I finally found my doctor "House" I've been looking for all this time. I have two brilliant minds trying to figure it out. Dr. Ashish even said that he and Dr. Shroff are debating about what Monica has and discussing ways to fix it. Dr. Sudeep we have the closest relationship with because he is here twelve hours per day, six days per week. He has a very good rapore with Monica - he really listens to everything she has to say, knows how to make her laugh, and can explain everything happening to her in metaphors which helps both of us understand. The three doctors have a very close relationship working together and it is exciting to see such team work - after all this time, I finally found our doctor "House" in three very dedicated doctors brainstorming and working towards a solution for my girl!

I am volunteering about 40 hours per week and loving it. I am writing a Welcome Packet for the hospital to give to each patient when they arrive. I love doing this type of work and am good at the details. I started and thought it would be a small packet and now I am up to about 30 pages. There are so many questions when you get here and so much information passed to each other is incorrect. I thought having it all down in a packet would eliminate a lot of griping. The griping is because no patient really knows what is going on. I believe the hospital is going through growing pains. They have policies and procedures but none are written down for us. I took a cold shower for ten days because I could never figure out how to get my solar powered shower hot. You turn the handle to the middle - wait a long time for it to warm up - then turn the handle to the left. Basic stuff but you have to know it. I am getting complete freedom to create things - forms, etc. to help out. I am even trying to figure out being a tourist and how to recommend places for people to see in the packet. It touches on all areas and I am beginning to understand how the hospital works and it's limitations due to culture and customs.

Working has been very good because it gives me time away from Monica (I work in the common room on the hospital's computer) and this has helped her develop independence. The nurses are supportive of me leaving her alone in her room or going out for a walk or being with another caregiver. Monica has a buzzer she can push if she needs something or if there is an emergency. I have been too afraid for the past two years to leave her alone. I will always let her play with a friend (I can do a chore then) or be with her dad or the boys, but I have had very few moments where I am "off" and not thinking about her. Being here has been such a gift to me because I am able to find a better balance and show her that I am a well-rounded, complex, social person. I believe my family has forgotten who I really am, but here I feel that the "net" is there to catch either one of us if we fall.

It took sometime but we now have a group of people playing nightly games of Rummikub in the common room with Monica. I keep going out to buy new games to see if I can keep them all interested and we bring snacks too. We have quads and paras playing. Rummikub continues to be everyone's favorite. We even got Dr. Sudeep to play one evening and he had a great time. He was so impressed with Monica's ability to process the math and logically develop strategic plays. Her brain has always been very good at math. Therefore, it is hard to comprehend that she cannot remember a paragraph she just read. Rummikub has been a great game to create a sense of community and everyone has become such good friends through laughter.

This is exactly where we should be; I feel it and want it so badly for Monica. It is going to happen!


  1. Thank you, to both of you for your pictures and reports. You are both an inspiration. Tracy, you will win the mother of the year award. Keep walking, writing and reorganizing the hospital - and keep the miracles coming. Monica, you are the personification of hope - and a gift to the world.

  2. What a wonderful post to read. I do so wish I could be there with you both. Your welcome packet will be a great gift to all who come after you.

    I'm really struck by how quickly Monica is improving. It's really quite striking and super exciting.

    I send you both my love and supportive hopes.

  3. Monica and Tracy,

    I enjoyed the photos and was amazed at the results! It gives hope to everyone, that if one persists changes can be made, we know that in our family too. Keep up the good work and stay positive, miracles work in special ways and the work you are giving the hospital is a blessing too.

    Hugs and kisses,

  4. I really love reading your blogs. They are very interesting and I think they are very detailed. I wish that I could see monica more. I wish that I was there with you. I am glad that monica is playing rummicube with everybody. My mom is reading me her journel and I am fascinated in what she wrote.

  5. Hi Tracy,

    I am glad the trip is good for you too, I miss you and am glad to keep in touch this way.

    Does your family stateside need any support? If they do just let me know.

    hugs and postive energy, pattie

  6. SO glad all is working out so well

    You all deserve this. Keep up the great work :)


  7. Teri, Ed and Megan BerwickOctober 23, 2009 at 3:23 AM

    Tracy and Monica:
    I start my morning every day by checking the blog to see the latest news and photos.
    I can't begin to tell you how incredibly happy I am for you that things are going so well, and there are so many wonderful changes.
    We love you and think about you so often.
    Teri and all.

  8. Dear Dear Monica,
    I think about you daily, with great love and respect. As you weave together your hope and optimism, while acknowleging the fear, you are in the process of accepting your whole wonderful self. It takes courage to be truthful about the fear and keep going anyway.
    Here's a quote that speaks to this:
    "As you learn to leave alone the activity of unconsciously trying to be the mindbody that you think that you are .... and you learn to move as this one that you truly are - this "you" of you; the very heart of existence - ...this mindbody that you find yourself flowing through, allows you to simply bubble in the sheer joy, pleasure, peace, delightfulness and stillness that this "you" of you is." Elysha