We Are Home and My Girl Can WALK!

Monica walking out of airport to greet family & friends. Mitch (18), Monica (15) and Kevin (17)

Where do I begin? After a considerable amount of deliberation, Monica and I have returned home. I was torn because I FINALLY found a place that offered Monica not only the possibility of healing, but a place that was actually healing her. My mission has been to do anything and everything to get her well and now that I found the place I didn't want to leave. Monica was torn because she loved the staff and patients at NuTech along with watching herself make progress in her ability to walk, however she really missed her family, friends and pets. With stem cell therapy your body reaches a point where your "cup" is full and it is time to go home and let the cells have time to do their work. Our cup was full. We will again return in March for a six week "booster" and then probably one or two more times.

Monica's stem cells are the miracle inside repairing, regenerating, and replenishing everything in her body to fight the Lyme disease and her own disease. Now at home she has to treat herself special because the stem cells need to grow and develop based on how she trains and nutures them. Progress will continue to happen over time while we are home.

Monica made incredible improvements in a remarkably short period of time:

1. She now sweats - she is not particularly thrilled with this - but I sure am!

2. She has begun to sleep longer. I would always try to have our lights out, computer off, and her iPod music on really "low" (her low and my low are very different even with my ear plugs in) at midnight. I would pass out immediately and we would wake up at 9:40am everyday by Ajo's smiling face (the male nurse). I was getting great sleep which made me think she was sleeping just as long. She absolutely would disagree with me on how long she slept, but at least the lights were out!

3. She moves in her bed. Now this may not seem like a big deal, but with no sensory input when the room is dark and her eyes are closed she never moved in her bed. The position she fell asleep in was exactly the same when she woke up. A couple weeks into therapy I realized that she was moving in her sleep!

4. She is able to crawl forward and backwards. She scooted around the house on her butt for the past seven months (with her feet in front so her pants wouldn't be pulled off). We have a two story home and her room is upstairs in the furthest corner. Monica was not willing to move to the downstairs bedroom and not willing to have any accommodations made to her living space. In the bathroom we did take the glass shower door off and put up a curtain, but that was the only change she was agreeable to. Watching her in physio get stronger and stronger and finally be able to balance herself and crawl on the physio bed five motions forward and then five motions backwards was amazing!

5. She is stronger physically - balance, coordination, strength, stamina. Monica's upper body strength has always impressed me. She was able to effortlessly transfer her body weight anywhere. She would lift her body up, holding onto the handles in my Suburban truck, and place her body in the seat of the truck. However, I felt an urgency to get to India because my fear was that she would not be able to use her arms much longer due to the progression of her illness. Well to see Monica work so hard at absolutely everything they asked of her was so rewarding to me. She became stronger in all areas and fearless in trying to do the exercises. Her balance originally was awful. She easily tipped and if you watched her sit in a position she would slowly tip over if she had to hold it. Now her core is stronger and able to support her better!

6. MONICA CAN WALK! Yippppeeeee Skiiippppppeeee!!! The most amazing part of this whole journey has been to see the work, discipline, focus and dedication Monica has put in to be able to walk out of NuTech. As you all know she has been working tirelessly to be able to stand and then walk in calipers. She was able to go from one huge caliper - metal going all the way up the hips and then a large plastic piece that went around the waist to metal knee braces and plastic ankle braces. She planned on going home in the knee braces.

During our exit interview (the afternoon before we left), Dr. Shroff told Monica that she expected her to be able to walk without calipers on her own holding onto someone by December 15th and then by Christmas she should be walking on her own. Sitting in that interview was fun because I knew that Monica wanted to see if she could walk on her own right then without any support. Monica had never practiced on her own let alone stand without any support. However, once she decided she could do it I just knew she could. She is remarkable. Well, Dr. Shroff said she would absolutely help her and ordered a walker to be brought to her office so that Monica could try. By the time the walker arrived in her office (which was immediately) Monica was up standing all by herself. Dr. Shroff taught her how to use the walker and Monica took off. Within fifteen minutes Monica had gone from not being able to stand without support devices to walking without anyone or anything helping her! Dr. Shroff excitedly called down to physio to not let anyone leave because Monica wanted to surprise everyone. It was such a thrilling moment, as her mother, to watch her WALK across the room all by herself so proudly. Everyone was cheering and crying. A very emotional moment for Monica, myself, Dr. Shroff and everyone else who has been a part of getting her better.

There have been some side affects from the treatment: her vision is blurrier and her throat is more constricted. Time and stem cells should heal these. We all have to assume that so much more of Monica's body has been healing during this treatment. She has not regained any of her sensory yet. The doctors are hopeful that this will occur sometime in the next few months as her nerves continue to repair themselves. I can barely stand it waiting to see what she feels first. Obviously she deserves to eat, smell, feel some pleasurable sensation first and that is what I pray for.

We arrived home (without seizures or the "claws" on the airplane - that shows she is healing) using the wheelchair. Dr. Shroff ordered a walker and cane for us that day so we would have them to use to see our family at the airport. With a wheelchair, the airport always has an individual assigned to you to push the chair around. Our gentleman was wonderful. I told him our plan and he got us all ready. We got Monica up and walking down the hall using her walker where family can see you on a monitor before you walk out the gate. You could hear them cheering. Fifteen people greeted her screaming.

Monica was really slow walking out of the airport that day. Today, a week later, she is not using the walker at all, uses the cane for long distances, and usually doesn't have anything to help her but her own two legs! She is walking into stores on her own, walking around town on her own, and has even gone to the beach and walked in the sand on her own. I am so excited that she has gained the confidence again that her body will support her and allow her to go where she wants, when she wants.

We will continue to update our blog to let you know how Monica is doing. I am so excited for the future. EVERYTHING feels different now. I believe we turned a corner and only good things are going to happen from now on. There is no looking back, just forward to a better and healthier new life for my girl.

Human Embryonic Stem Cell Information

I realized that most of you probably do not know what human embryonic stem cell therapy is and why it is so exciting. I have been doing research, asking the doctors here at NuTech to clarify details, and interviewing patients for this information. I am not a doctor. I am a mom interested in how the embryonic stem cells can help my child heal. Therefore, let me share what little I know.

Human Embryonic Stem Cells (HESC)
All human bodies have the ability to repair and regenerate to varying degrees in various organs. During a person's lifetime, the body is able to maintain a balance and as age advances, the ability becomes diminished. If the body become diseased, either by its own malfunctions or by viruses or bacteria (which are often the trigger for an autoimmune disease) it leads to depletion of the body's cells and often incapacitating, incurable or terminal conditions. For many of these disorders medication is given to control and / or cure the symptoms, but there is no true solution. Human embryonic stem cells (HESC) can supplement the missing or dwindling cells and replenish or regenerate the malfunctioning parts of the body.

What are stem cells and why are they important?
Stem cells are considered the body's master cells. They can differentiate into any number of types of specialized cells such as muscles, nerves, organs, bone, blood and so on. These properties make stem cells different from the body's other mature cells which are committed to their assigned function. For example, a skin cell can only divide and generate new skin cells. So why are embryonic stem cells so amazing? They are able to become any type of cell because of their "plasticity" (the ability to change permanently, as opposed to elasticity, meaning to change temporarily and then revert back). This makes embryonic stem cells essential for renewing and repairing the body. They are formed at conception and specialize later to become various tissues of the growing embryo. After birth, the body retains the stem cell reserves in various bones and organs. These reserves are limited and when depleted, the body begins to succumb to disease, disorders, and aging. Stem cell therapy offers the potential to stop the cascading progression and to replenish the reserves and fight a wide variety of injuries, diseases and disorders.

What makes Dr. Geeta Shroff, an infertility expert, at NuTech Mediworld in India different?
There are stem cell options around the world. To date, NuTech Mediworld is one of the best known stem cell centers. Dr. Shroff, a physician trained in in vitro fertilization, has been using HESCs to treat incurable or terminal diseases. Dr. Shroff's process is different than any other options because she has developed the technology to create, by the use of a single donated embryo, an infinite number of stem cell lines eliminating the ethical issue of destroying embryos for research and treatment. However, this one special embryo life now is powerful because it has given life to hundreds of individuals with incurable and terminal conditions. Dr. Shroff has been able to grow embryonic stem cells without the use of any animal products. And she has the ability to freeze and thaw her cells to allow storage and transport.

During her laboratory research and with full consent, she used a surplus embryo from an IV donor who underwent a barrage of tests including a complex medical and genetic history. Theoretically, this one embryo can treat the entire human population. Every day we hear about other treatments around the globe using stem cells (fetal, umbilical cord, adult, rats, mice, etc.), but Dr. Shroff has pure human embryonic stem cell lines that do not show any immune rejection in the body. Embryonic stem cells do not have any antigenic proteins on their surface and thus do not require immunosuppressant drugs. This unique cell culture methodology makes the HESCs universally acceptable without the need for cross-matching, irrespective of gender, age, or race. To date, there have been no side effects reported in over nine years of therapeutic usage. This therapy is being used to clinically treat patients suffering from various conditions all presently categorized as incurable or terminal: spinal cord injury, diabetes, multiple sclerosis, Parkinson's disease, cardiac conditions, and many more.

What is the difference between India offering HESCs and other countries?
Dr. Shroff's type of work is governed by the Indian Council of Medical Research, which sets forth guidelines for stem cell research. Under Indian law doctors may treat a condition or disorder that is considered incurable or terminal with novel procedures. Dr. Shroff is not bound by many of restrictive regulations and policies that are present in other countries (it is illegal in the US), compelling patients to travel from all over the world for this revolutionary treatment. During our treatment we have met people from Egypt, Iceland, Brazil, New Zealand, Australia, Argentina, and the United States.

What makes HESCs better than other stem cells?
When a sperm fertilizes an egg, it becomes what is known as a zygote. Many scientists view the zygote as the ultimate stem cell because it can develop not only into an embryo, but also the surrounding tissues, such as the placenta. Because the zygote has the highest degree of plasticity (ability to permanently change), it is referred to as a "totipotent" stem cell. Totipotent stem cells have the potential to generate all the cells and tissues that make up an embryo and that support its development in utero. The zygote begins to divide thirty hours after an egg fertilized and by the fifth to seventh day, the cells form a blastocyst. Dr. Shroff harvest them at 24 to 48 hours - pre-blastocyst.

The embryonic stem cell is defined by its origin - that is from one of the earliest stages of the development of the embryo, called the blastocyst. Specifically, embryonic stem cells are derived from the inner cell mass within the blastocyst at a stage before it would implant in the uterine wall. The size of this blastocyst (embryo) is about 0.1-mm across or smaller than the size of a period at the end of this sentence. These stem cells are somewhat less plastic and more specialized than a zygote. Those on the outer surface of the blastocyst develop into the placenta and other tissues that surround the fetus, while those inside - referred to as embryonic stem cells - become the cells of all the fetal organs and tissues.

The embryonic stem cell can self-replicate and is pluripotent. Pluripotent embryonic stem cells originate as inner mass cells within a blastocyst. Such stem cells can differentiate into any of the more than 200 types of cells in the human body. Most scientists use the term pluripotent to describe stem cells that can give rise to cells derived from all three embryonic germ layers - ectoderm, mesoderm, and endoderm. All of the many different kinds of specialized cells that make up the body are derived from one of these three embryonic germ layers.

What is HESC therapy?
HESC therapy is given to patients who commit to either a four, eight or twelve week period depending on their health condition. During this time the patient is given stem cell injections into specific targeted areas: intravenous, intramuscular, and spinal procedures. Dr. Shroff starts with a low dose of HESCs at the beginning of therapy and increases the dosage over time per the patient's needs. Along with receiving HESCs, the patient receives intense physiotherapy, occupational therapy (based on the patient's needs), and participates in yoga. The combination of these helps stimulate the HESCs to go to locations where the body needs them most. Additionally, patients need to realize the importance of having a positive attitude, believing they can make their body create the changes needed, having a healthy commitment to treating their mind, body and spirit like a treasure to heal their body, working hard at making an effort to exercise, eat nutritiously, think positive, and nurture their stem cells. Progress happens over time and not immediately.

Making the Tough Decisions

One of the best and riskiest decisions of my entire life was to take Monica to India. It was a difficult one because not only does it impact my family financially (it is all cash, very expensive, and we need to return several times over the next year or two), but we had to leave behind Kevin a senior in high school (who wants his sister to get better, but the trade off is that his mom and sister left home for a couple of months) and Lance - luckily Mitch started his freshman year of college two days before we left so he is distracted and consumed by his new lifestyle.

Personally, I believe that I needed to try absolutely everything possible in the world available - regardless of costs - to get my girl well. Money is just money. I learned a very valuable lesson growing up that money cannot buy you health or happiness. Sure it can make life more comfortable or give you options, but it cannot buy the most important things you need - hope, love, courage, health, happiness, etc. Money makes it possible to try everything, but if you don't find the right people or places it doesn't matter how much you have.

I have known several people who have died because they could not find a place to go to heal. They could not find a place that could stop the progression of their disease. They could not find the most brilliant people, medical equipment and medicine available to mankind at that moment when they needed it. They could not find answers because the medical community didn't have answers. I now know we know so very little about how our bodies work. Especially if you have a condition that is now called "Monica's Disease." No doctor so far around the world has been able to name her disease or recognize her symptoms. It is truly a miracle that our bodies are able to work as well as they do. Be grateful that yours does.

I have learned an incredible amount about stem cells and have witnessed the miracles they can create in people's bodies clinically. Stem cells are going to be the new wave of medicine in the future. They will be available in our pharmacies and used as a first line of treatment for injuries or diseases or disorders I believe in my lifetime. Monica has become a pioneer being treated with human embryonic stem cells. She is the youngest person in the world to receive human embryonic stem cell treatment from NuTech Mediworld - one of the world's leading stem cell centers - outside of India. NuTech Mediworld does have an outpatient clinic for children.

We did not have much hope before we arrived. In fact - I believe she would have died had we not come. I had to make the tough decisions and be willing to try something risky and experimental. Monica had to be willing, brave and have the courage, determination and dedication to try everything possible to heal. Well, it has been one of the best decisions ever. Monica continues to get better and better and we now believe it is possible for her to heal.

I cannot begin to express my gratitude to all of you for your continued love and support throughout this journey.

Expectations

The treatment I have been doing for the past two months was our last resort. There was honestly nothing left to try back home. I am in the same situation as almost everyone here I think. We are all at our last resort here, we've tried everything and keep getting the same answers. The spinal cord patients are told they are never going to walk again, Lyme patients are pretty much told there isn't a way to kill it completely, ALS patients are given a range of years they have left to live, MS there's no way to stop it, and so many more along those lines. Yet none of us will give up and that is exactly how we ended up at such an amazing place with such amazing doctors and people supporting us. It's been really hard to leave everything behind to come here, but it was absolutely worth it. For me so many treatments have failed in the past that I have learned to keep my attitude positive towards something working, but bracing myself for the worst. Before coming here I didn't really have expectations, I was hoping for a lot, but I had no expectation to go home walking or feeling or better. Everyone who has been here in the past has seen amazing results which gives you hope and encourages expectations which are much bigger than reality. My Mom came here with the hope that I will go home with ONE change, it didn't matter what, anything. One change would prove to us that I was done progressing and I could then move forward and start getting better. Other patients here came with the expectations that they would be able to walk out of here if they are wheelchair bound (this is an example it's not true I'm just trying to give you an idea).
If you have the mindset that you will be walking out of here you will miss all the little things that are happening. Towards the end of your trip you will feel like you didn't accomplish much because you didn't achieve the one goal you came here for. When every one else who has been here with you can see incredible improvement in strength and balance and everything else. If you are to come and do this treatment, you need to come with an open mind and really pay attention to everything that is going on in your body and even if it doesn't meet your goal in the first trip maybe in the second or when you are back home it will happen. This whole entire post probably sounds like I'm blabbing on and on, but my point is this trip has gone beyond all of our expectations and has given us a new found hope. You need to come hoping for the best and not losing that goal, but also making sure you don't get caught up in more more more.

Ping To The Pong

Gabe and I were hanging out downstairs one night while his dad was out picking up his wife from the airport when we came across four ping pong paddles, three ping pong balls, and a net in a little cupboard. Matthew's wife's plane was delayed about and hour and a half so we were kind of watching over/hanging out with Gabe while his dad was out. After we had been through all the games they have here (chess, scrabble, cards, dominoes, etc.) we found the ping pong set and decided that we were going to play no matter what. Since Gabe is a quadriplegic he can't move his legs, and his arms he can lift up and down a little bit. We set it all up and started playing. Since Gabe can't grip the paddle, we strapped a paddle in each hand using his gloves. By the end of that night (around 1AM or so) we could hold a rally of six. For the next week or so we didn't play often, but we just started playing with about seven other patients and it's been SUPER fun. We all start laughing and can't stop for hours. We are now playing doubles because we have so many people. The doctors find it to be one of the funniest things ever to watch. It's truly amazing to watch a quadriplegic play ping pong, especially in doubles. It's so fun and gets everyone involved in it. I'm sure going to miss not playing and hanging out with everyone at night.

Green Park

We live in an area called Green Park. It is such a small area compared to the rest of Delhi. It takes us about 20 minutes to get to the heart of the city from the hospital depending upon the time of day with traffic. I have really liked living in Green Park. The hospital is on a very busy street but you have access to a shopping area (two blocks long with stores on just one side) that is about a five minute walk. You can walk to Deer Park which is again about ten minutes from here. This park is quiet (the first place I could actually hear birds chirping), green with plants and trees - no grass, and has a fenced in section of deer - they look like bambi with white dots, but many have antlers with their velvet still on. You can also walk to another area about ten minutes away that has a quaint feel to it with cobble stones and then end up at some spectacular ruins.

The hospital has an outdoor lift that takes patients out of the building. Once outside there is a small space for parking in front of the hospital. If we want to play cricket we have figured out how to get most of the cars moved out of our way. Green Park is located close to many other hospitals and laboratories. Just walking for five minutes to Green Park to shop is an experience in itself every single day. The vehicles drive on the opposite side of the road than in America. It is so hard to remember that when you are walking. You have to cross the street at two places to get on the side of the shops. You would think that is a breeze but in fact it is a challenge. The first few times you are scared, but after that you just become determined and hold your ground for the opportunity to just go and expect them to stop or swerve. You have to feel like you are a vehicle yourself to create the space and have a command of presence for them to believe you are NOT going to move. It is no problem now because I get it, but those first few steps were a challenge in courage.

On our walk to Green Park you see bicycles used for transporting everything under the sun - regular bikes and ones that pull a wooden small trailer. They transport blankets, trash, furniture, laundry, hospital supplies on a regular bike (three cases of 1 liter bottles of water, boxed milk and other supplies), pipes, bricks, sticks, wash machines, brooms, etc. You see women in their beautiful bright saris doing manual labor carrying bricks, grain, sand, groceries on their heads, or raking rocks and digging trenches. The saris are beautiful and look like splashes of butterflies along the brown roads. There is a man on one corner that irons clothes (coal irons) on the street under a tarp and another woman in the street next to the shops that does the same. There is a man that gives men a razor shave outside in front of a mirror tacked to a fence. There are several people that set up on the street to make food out of one bowl and coal burner.

The shops along that strip really can provide anything you need. They are about 20 feet by 40 feet with an aisle of merchandise in the middle. You can barely walk around and pick out what you want inside. The places are stuffed with merchandise and some times you need to ask the grocery "boys" (really men) to find what you want hidden away. Everyone is very helpful. There is an amazing amount of American food here just in Green Park if you look hard enough. Not your favorites or comfort food necessarily but many, many familiar labels. Everything is in English and they write in English, but Hindi is the language most speak. You can tell who has been educated because they speak perfect English. Some of the children talk to you and are so proud that they can converse with you in English. Education is very, very important and taken seriously. You can see the pride in the children's' faces when they realize they can speak to someone white. There is a toy store, 7 little grocery stores, three salons, two magazine stores, two health stores, several phone stores, a camera shop, two restaurants and two coffee shops - all of them very small stores. The only difficulty with the area is that they are not accessible. You need several people to help lift Monica up onto the area (18" curbs and steps) and then the pavement is all cracked. We do it, but it's just not easy. She cannot fit into any store either. It's not fun being left outside while I go in to shop for groceries or plastic containers at the toy store. I go now by myself unless I bribe her with ice cream and then she will make the trip.

Actually for the first time, I told her I'd get her ice cream if she wore her braces to get up the steps and see the ice cream to pick out. I pushed her in the chair and she stood up and moved straight legged in the calipers up the huge curb and stairs and then she waddled up three more stairs to be in the shop and look at the ice cream. She was mad as a hornet but did it. Bribery works wonders. She is NOT comfortable in her calipers unless she is in physio. She looks like she would be but without them her legs do not support her yet at all. Her confidence level with the braces hasn't caught up with what she is capable of doing. Her knees still don't support, but that should come in time. The rest of her body is remarkably strong.

I cannot begin to understand psychologically how difficult it must be, because you cannot feel anything, to just put yourself out there with confidence. She is incredibly stubborn and fearless which is why she is still alive. Monica continues to amaze me everyday with her spirit, joyfulness and the willingness to rise up to any occasion and try everything. She never takes advantage of her situation and wants to get the absolute most out of every day!

Monica is helping me put together a slide show of Green Park. It should be up in a couple of days.

Delhi

To get perspective of where we are living you need to understand Delhi a little better. The city is one of the oldest continually inhabited cities in the world with a history dating back to 1,000 BC. One of the earliest structures that exists is the 1,600 year old Iron Pillar at Qutb Minar (at the time we saw this we couldn't figure out why everyone was so excited to see a pole! The pole also has never rusted.). There is Very Old Delhi, Old Delhi, and New Delhi. The New Delhi was designed to house the British administration in 1931. There are close to 800 politicians in Delhi when Parliament is in session and India is the world's largest democracy. Delhi is the largest city in India with a population approaching 22 million. The country has over one billion people living in it.

A quarter of the world's destitute live in India. Over 380 million Indians live below the poverty line, subsisting on less than US1$ a day and almost 89% of the total population live on under US$2 a day. Conversely, as India's economy grows millionaires are being created at a record rate and there are now over 100,000. This is a 20% increase over last year. Bridging the gap between the 'two' India's is perhaps the greatest challenge facing the country today - and for a visitor to come to terms with. There is a rapidly developing middle class, but you have to be sensitive to the fact that wages are low and even a middle-class family is likely living on less than US$1,000 a month.

Just watching how the hospital operates I assume there are extremes in what wages are being paid to people. In general I know that the sisters (nurses) were brought in from another state to work here and are living in a hostel together, the ward boys are hard laborers and come from the mountains and do not have hot water where they live, and then our doctors and managers have drivers to take them around. The influences of Hinduism and the tradition of the caste system have created a culture that emphasizes established hierarchical relationships. Indians are always conscious of social order and their status relative to other people, be they family, friends, or strangers. All relationships involve hierarchies. In schools, teachers are viewed as the source of all knowledge. The patriarch, usually the father, is considered the leader of the family. The boss is seen as the source of ultimate responsibility in business.

I can see this applied in my little time observing people in India. Dr. Shroff is absolutely the boss and takes precedence over everything. When she asks for something it is done immediately. People take her phone calls when they are in a meeting. Dr. Sudeep has a phone dedicated to just her. He has it with him at all times and will answer it always immediately no matter what is going on. Dr. Shroff and Dr. Ashish realized on Thursday that Monica was having cognitive issues and was an A+ student and in advanced classes before she dropped out of school (they have been very focused on getting her to walk and trying to get any type of sensory back and didn't fully realize how impacted her quality of life is with not going to school), that Dr. Shroff walked away from us, went into talk to the director of the children's department and she came back and told us that Monica would be starting that day meeting with him from 12:00pm to 12:40pm everyday. During his evaluation of Monica he answered his phone (of course I thought he was extremely rude, as I have every time someone answers their phone in front of me mid-conversation) and started talking to Dr. Shroff. After he evaluated Monica (he stated that she was extremely intelligent and has a superb working memory (short term memory), but she has an information processing deficit. He now not only sees her alone daily, but is dedicating extra time to her throughout the day and asked her to come to his department whenever she has free time.

I continue to be amazed at the support system provided to us if the doctor believes we need additional support. They will provide you the resources if they believe your body needs them - never before. They really pay attention to what the patient's body is saying and what they observe collectively. They scientifically make their decisions and are constantly weighing the trade offs. I wanted more occupational therapy for Monica and couldn't understand why I couldn't hire our therapist outside the hospital time. Well, they just didn't believe that Monica needed more than two days a week. There was not enough proof that it was worth the investment. It is important and critical to do, but not everyday. I love that they are very clear cut in priorities. It is such a pleasure working with people that are decisive and invested in the outcome - my girl's quality of life!

The Garden of Five Senses

Marg had heard about this garden from a previous patient and they spoke highly of it and she wanted to check it out. She invited anyone who wanted to come with. My Mom wanted to go and I decided it'd be nice to get out of the hospital for a little bit. The irony of going to the Garden of Five Senses is the fact I am missing three senses and the other two kind of struggle. Marg, Bret, my Mom, and I all joked about how funny it was that I was actually going to go. We started coming up with ideas like well of the five paths am I only allowed to take two of them or can I pay a third of the price because I don't have all the senses to experience it? On a map the place looks pretty easy to get to, but of course no one knew how to get there. We were trying to describe it and our taxi guy was asking everyone he could find to see if they knew where it was. Finally we decided we have to try and if we don't make it there we will hopefully end up some other interesting place. The taxi driver pulled over three times to ask someone if they knew how to get there, and by the time we finally reached the place I understood how difficult it was to get to and how to map doesn't say that well where it is with all the construction they are doing. It took us about a half hour to get there. As soon as we got there we started noticing how funny some of the signs are. Bret and I had a good laugh about the "Please maintain decency" sign. He decided we needed a picture in front of it, so we took our picture in front of it with the perfect face. We all got a very good laugh about that one. The garden itself was spectacular. It is 20 acres and it has winding paths, it's a pretty romantic place you could tell because there were A LOT of couples there. Oh well we still had fun looking at everything. There were pretty steep hills to get everywhere, but there were ramps so it was all handicap accessible. After going through the garden we were hungry so we stopped at a restaurant that was at the entrance. The restaurant was called Fio and it had only opened about two weeks ago. Fio was gorgeous and the serving sizes were fairly decent. It was an upscale place though so it was a little more on the pricey side, not too bad though. The biggest joke was that they couldn't figure out how to split a bill. It took about six people and over a half hour to get our bill, it was pretty ridiculous. It was a fun, relaxing day, and it was nice to get to know Bret and Marg a little bit better.

These two pictures are of Bret and I in front of our "Please Maintain Decency" sign.

Room 204

I realized today that know one really knows about where we are living and what our room looks like. First we live in a 20 bed hospital. It originally was a hotel and has beautiful marble in the lobby, stairs and hallways. We live in room 204 and look out the front windows of the hospital on the busy street. We took a lot of time when we first arrived trying to make our room look as comfortable as possible and not look like a hospital room. That was a huge priority for me. I wanted it to have a local Indian flavor to it along with the creature comforts that make life a little easier.

Our room is the size of a dorm room - probably 15' by 20'. We have Monica's room, my room, a kitchen, social area, medicine area, changing area and therapy area. Monica's room is the hospital bed that has a hand crank to move the backrest up and down (no electric comforts). We bought her a quilt that has a beautiful bright cheerful elephant pattern in between two muslin pieces of cotton. She loves it. She has five stuffed animals in her bed along with her favorite pillow from home. We moved her bed against the window which runs the length of the room. The window has a sill that she has put all of her everyday items and nick knacks on. There is a night stand next to her bed that plays her iPod and there is a clock that we brought from home. She also has a hospital bedside table (our kitchen table) that she uses for her computer, to do cognitive therapy and occupational therapy exercises, to eat meals off of and for medicine. Under her bed is her suitcase with all of her clothes for our stay that she pulls out whenever she needs to change. We truly are living out of our suitcases. There is not ONE drawer in the whole room or bathroom. The other two suitcases under her bed are the carry on luggage we brought FILLED with medicine. I pull those out when I need to refill medicine containers.

My room has a little wire rack, that was supposed to be for the bathroom, I use next to my foam fold out bed. It is a chair when not the bed, but I have to have three little pillows on it under my legs or I slip right off the chair onto the ground. There has been some laughter with that graceful move. Right now I am typing on the chair and my knees are actually higher than my chest sitting! My bed is pretty funny too. I have to have the bottom of the bed flipped under so Monica can use her chair to get to the bathroom. I feel like I sleep in a U shaped position with my feet always higher than my head. If my bed is flat then there is not enough space for her to back up into the bathroom with the wheelchair. (Our choice because I could arrange the room differently.) I am right next to the free standing closet which has full length mirrored doors. I wake up looking at myself - it is never a pretty sight to see yourself so clearly before you get out of bed. Next to the closet I made a table out of six boxes and covered it in a shawl. We use this as our medicine table and next to it I put her "legs" that I carry in a bag (her calipers and shoes).

I now know you all will be truly jealous of our kitchen. Just imagine the things you can create here! We have a 18" by 30" counter. A glass shelf on top of that which is 12" by 24". We have a toaster and a 2 cup kettle. A dorm refrigerator that we have filled with just water, jam, 6 eggs (I bought a skillet), and boxed milk. There is a larger wire rack filled with food and I purchased a couple of bags to also put snacks in.

Our bathroom has a beautiful granite countertop and a sink that I use to do the dishes in. Next to the sink is what we all call the showlet. There is a toilet and then the shower is open next to it. We have to squeegee the whole floor after every shower. We do have a plastic chair, which we use mainly outside in America, that came with the room and we use it in the shower for Monica to sit in. If we have company I wipe it down and bring it in the room - some one visited us recently to ask questions about our experience here and they never knew they were sitting on our shower chair! They do provide a shower / commode chair that we gave back to them.

The room works and we get along great. If we didn't it would be a problem. I sleep with ear plugs because she needs to go to sleep with the music on and the headphones do not stay on her. Because she sleeps more (yippee skippy for the stem cells!) our bed time is midnight. When we went to Germany our bedtime was never the same time and often we were playing cards at 2:30am till I passed out. This has been such a better trip for me because she sleeps more. I am beyond thrilled. The only thing about our whole room situation I forgot to mention is the wheelchair. It is in the middle of the room all the time. On our next trip hopefully we will come WITHOUT the chair! I'll write more about where we are living in the next blog. We love and miss you all!

Occupational Therapy

About two and a half weeks ago I started doing occupational therapy with Harsha. Dr. Shroff thought it would be a good idea to start retraining my brain as to what things feel like. For example when Harsha rubs a cotton ball along my arm I think about how cotton used to feel and how it is soft and a nice feeling, but when she rubs the rough side of a sponge on my arm I think about how it is hard and not pleasant. Harsha's goal with me is to try and get my feeling back and she works on that by doing various deep pressure exercises, textile exercises, movement exercises, etc. I see her about a half hour twice a week. We haven't set confirmed days or times yet, but it's not like we have any other plans. Today in therapy we did about seven or eight different things. We worked on deep pressure, she would push my fingers together and push my shoulders down, etc. We also worked on movement by me bouncing up and down on a ball, moving a board back and forth and rolling putty into a ball. Since we are also trying to get smell back we are doing an aroma therapy by using an orange scent right now. A few new exercises came up today, finger painting, being wrapped up in a bed sheet like a burrito and getting a ball rolled over me, and trying to differentiate between hot and cold water. Hopefully therapy will help me a little bit, and I will be able to continue it back home. I think it might be more useful when I can feel again rather than now because when I feel again I will have to retrain my brain as to what everything is. It's up to the doctor's though and I will give each thing they through at me 110% and just hope it does something.

The pictures above are from today, they are me being rolled up into a burrito with Harsha applying pressure with a ball, and my finger painting.

"Family Dinner"

Tonight was "Family Dinner" :). Every once in a while about ten or so of us get together and order take out and eat around a huge table in the Common Room. We ordered Chinese food and some Indian dishes too. It's always fun getting to sit around with everyone and feel at home by eating a meal together. We all get to know each other a little bit better and we always have some great laughs together. Bret, Marg, Derek, Corky, Mitesh, Vasant, Gabe, Matthew, my Mom, and I were all shoved into the Common Room eating a delicious Chinese meal. It was pretty funny because once all of us got our food we all went practically silent. We were all so happy and content with our meals. Once we had all finished eating Matthew asked a very interesting question. He asked, "On a scale of one to ten, how glad are you that you came to India to do this treatment?" We then went around the table answering with whatever number we believed. Generally you could say that it ranged from a 6 to a 10. That is about the standard range if you were to ask anyone who's been here I think. Asking this question changed the mood of the Family Dinner, but it was really interesting to hear every one's answers and reasons. We talked about how different expectations are for spinal cord injuries than diseases. The main thing anyone with a disease comes here with is to stop the progression, anything else beyond that is just icing on the cake. With spinal cord injuries they hope for something, anything, to come back. We had about an hour or so long discussion about everything and it was really eye opening to see how similar but different we all are. It was really nice because all of us knew that whatever we said, we knew that someone else in the room would understand it better than someone back home. We all agreed on the fact that this trip has been bittersweet. Leaving home was really hard, but knowing you are going to try something to hopefully get better made it worth it. Now that we are here it's going to be really hard to leave because we have met so many amazing people, who can somewhat understand what you are going through and we want more treatment rather than giving it a break and going home. We want more now. Hopefully we get to have another dinner again next weekend. :)

Celebration

Last week my physio gave me permission to start using my calipers outside of physio. My only rule was that they had to be locked and I had to have someone next to me to catch me if I were to fall. My Mom and I wanted to celebrate the fact that I was now allowed to start walking "on my own." We asked Gabe and Matthew if they wanted to come celebrate with us and get ice cream over at Green Park. Green Park is about a five minute walk from the hospital. I put my calipers on while we were in our room and got in my wheelchair and my Mom wheeled me there. She didn't want me walking in the street because drivers are pretty reckless here. When we got to the front of the ice cream store she let me get out of my chair and walk up the couple steps and into the store. It was so exciting because I could finally actually see the ice cream flavors rather than just the signs. I picked out the ice cream I wanted, a chocolate moo, and we went over a sat down. We were with Gabe and Matthew and we were all kind of in shock at how I was actually walking around. My Mom gave me permission to walk home from the store. I have never pushed a wheelchair before, and it was probably the weirdest feeling ever pushing my own chair home. I'm a pretty slow walker as you would imagine, so our five minute walk was about fifteen minutes. It was well worth it though! The best part of all of it was when we got back I ended up pushing Gabe with my wheelchair, like a train, pretty fast. We definitely weren't in very good control and hit the walls and plants a couple times. As I was pushing him we went passed Dr. Sudeep's office and he was very confused at first because he had only seen Gabe going by faster than usual and the front of my wheelchair with no one in it. He then saw that I was pushing my wheelchair and started laughing. Dr. Sudeep was so excited and happy to see me walking and pushing Gabe. It gave me enough confidence to know that when I get home I will be able to do more on my own.

Yes I did manage to spill ice cream all over my shirt, as always.

Busy, Busy, Busy

Today has been a super busy day! This is the first time I have actually gotten to sit down and turn on the computer all day. We woke up about 9:20 this morning and got ready for physio at 10. Physio was usual time, about 10 to 10:50. Dr. Shroff and Dr. Ashish made there rounds and my Mom asked them a couple questions. They then realized that I had gone from being an A student to dropping out of school and they couldn't believe it. The whole entire trip they have been focused on my sensory and walking kind of forgetting about how impacted my brain is. Today it clicked. Their goal has always been to get me to walk and feel, and my cognitive problems were put in the back seat. Once they realized how bad it truly was they wanted to really help with it. I am now going to start going to "cognitive rehab" as Gabe calls it. Everyday now a doctor is going to come up to our room for 40 minutes and help me with memory, writing, etc. After meeting with the cognitive doctor I came back up to my room and got ready to go do a procedure. I did the Deep Spinal Muscle procedure in the back of my neck. Originally they were going to do it in my lumbar area to make my legs stronger, but once they found out about my brain issues he changed it to my neck. I asked him when I was going into the room why the neck, and he said because it's closer to your brain, simple as that. Dr. Ashish was really excited when he found out how smart I am, and asked me if I would write up what feeling nothing feels like (if that makes sense). He wants me to write down what it feels like to touch a pillow or hold a drink, etc. Once he was done giving the procedure I was brought back down to my room and was told to lie down in bed for an hour. During that hour there was a Mother and Daughter from Australia and the Daughter has Lyme's Disease they think. She wanted to find out more about Nu Tech and if it is worth it. We told her it's worth every penny. About five minutes before my afternoon physio I was allowed to get up from my procedure. I was then off to physio to work my butt off yet again. Now I am done with physio took a little break to write this post. Gabe just came over and told me a couple people are going down to play cricket so I'm off to go play. I'll write more later!

Group Walk

Yesterday was a super fun day. When Hope was here we went to a little park called Deer Park. It isn't handicap accessible and my Mom wanted to be able to take everyone from the hospital over there to see the deer and just be somewhere different. She went out in between my morning physio and my afternoon physio with a patients wife, Marg. Marg and my Mom went to scope out and find a trail that we were all able to go on. They succeeded in finding one and around 3:30 we all left to go see Deer Park, Haus Khaus Village, and the ruins we found on our third day here. Ashley, his friend Darrio, Gabe, Matthew, Matthew's wife Kristen, Marg, Bret, my Mom, and I all went on this walk. I had been to Deer park two or three times before and it was fairly easy for me because I could transfer out of my chair onto a pole and then have my Mom put the chair through when necessary. With everyone else that would be much harder though so my Mom had found a path that worked. I had not gone on this path yet and it was fun to see it. The park is a lot bigger and green than I had originally thought it was, and none of us could believe how close it was! After Deer Park we walked over to Haus Khaus Village, which is right outside Deer Park. None of them had been to Haus Khaus yet, and they couldn't figure out how we possibly found it. We went down a back alley that had some pretty cool shops and it remind us of being in some European little town with cobblestones and the buildings. At the end of Haus Khaus are the ruins that my Mom, Hope and I had been to before. We wanted to show them how beautiful they are and how anyone and everyone is allowed to just hang out on them. They were all amazed at what was hidden back there and that it was so close to the hospital. A couple even said they would want to bring a book and sit there all day and read. It was definitely a lot of fun to get us all out of the hospital and go do something so simple together. We all want to go again soon! :)

This is a picture of me, Ashley, and his friend Darrio (pushing Ashley) at the ruins. It looks blurry, but it's the dust/quality of the air here.

Cricket

As a majority of you all know, India's sport of choice is Cricket. All the staff here just LOVES Cricket. We will be sitting in the Common Room playing games at night and one of the workers will come over with a cable box plug it in sit in the hall and watch Cricket. It's so funny to see how into it they get and how they watch ANY game, not just India. Matthew, Gabe's dad, went to the toy store one day and came back with a Cricket bat. I don't know all the terms for everything, but it was along those lines. On that day we decided we are all going to play Cricket one of these days. Gabe wasn't feeling well for about a week so once he started feeling better we got everyone outside and were playing Cricket. Gabe, who is a quadriplegic, was pitching and everyone else was in the outfield. We got our security guard playing, about five other patients, a couple caregivers, at one point one of our doctors came out for a little, and anyone who was walking down the street that wanted to play. The scoring was if you hit it over the fence it's a six anywhere else is a four. The wicket is made up of two bottles (coke bottles, squirt bottles, water bottles, whatever we could find). It's a lot of fun because anyone who wants to play can come out and play, and if you don't want to play you can just hang out and watch.

The Past Couple Days

I am so so so sorry we haven't updated in a while. It's been really busy here lately and I haven't really had the chance to sit down and post. If I did get the chance I'm Skyping back home or responding to emails so it's been a little difficult lately. Thanks for sticking by us though and still checking for a new post.
For the past couple days we have mainly just hung out around here, trying to find ways to keep us all entertained. We are all starting to come up with more and more ways to keep us entertained. Lately it's been cricket during the day, games at night, and occasionally walks around Green Park. I'll post separately about all of those. Two people left this week, but for the next couple weeks no one is leaving so no goodbyes for a while. Goodbyes are so hard because you don't know when you will see these people again and you all become so attached to each other.
I reached my six week mark today which is really exciting for Lyme patients. Usually around six weeks everything starts to come together and that's when you start seeing the most improvements. My mom and I are both getting super excited because we are just waiting for the day I wake up and say "Wow, I can feel." It will definitely be crazy if that will happen. The doctors are really looking forward to seeing what improvement I will make next, whether it be smaller calipers, feeling, my vision, anything.
Sorry this has taken so long to update, it should start being updated again daily, even if they are super boring posts, just to make sure you guys are all in the loop.

We Are Thriving!

I am doing great and actually thriving! I love India and am happy here. Everything with Monica is going well. She is getting stronger physically each day with her walking. She has gone from full calipers (up to her waist) to just knee braces right now. It is amazing to see her improvements every day even without any sensations. On Monday she couldn't hold herself up in the new braces - they customized one for her feet and ankles and one for her knees. On Tuesday she could just stand using the parallel bars. On Wednesday she began walking using the bars. On Thursday she put on her shoes for the first time in seven months (without the feet and ankle braces) and practiced with the bars. On Friday she walked off the parallel bars (only in knee braces) around the physio room without any additional support (such as a walker or crutches) and I convinced her physio to let her take the elevator upstairs to the reception area to look outside. I believe she may even walk off the plane by the time we are done here. It is amazing how fast she can make gains sometimes. On Monday I never, ever dreamed she would be able to stand up in the new braces. On Friday she was ready to walk out the door!

The thing I love most is the miracles they have everyday in physio. It truly is a miracle that occurs when a paraplegic walks across the room in their calipers with a walker, or someone with ALS kicks the ball a little stronger, or a quadraplegic takes his first steps in calipers in over nine years, or a quadraplegic be able to move his thumb for the first time. I think that is why I am doing great. It is a positive inspirational place to be and you feel everyone from the patients, to the doctors, to the physio people, to the nurses, to the people that work at the front desk are behind the patient wanting them to succeed. I so wish that everyone could see what I see everyday. I do the "happy" dance all the time to celebrate each accomplishment with my new friends.

Monica's doctors - Dr. Shroff, Dr. Ashish, and Dr. Sudeep - all believe that Monica has something bigger than just the Lyme. They, nor in their research, have not been able to find anyone like her. Dr. Ashish agreed that no doctor in the world probably has seen a patient like Monica before. He said she is exactly like a paralyzed person. Monica's eyesight is still blurry and her swallowing is constricted, but like the fighter she is she has adapted and soldiers on. The doctors are truly amazed by her coping skills and adaptability along with her very positive attitude. I am so happy being here because I finally found my doctor "House" I've been looking for all this time. I have two brilliant minds trying to figure it out. Dr. Ashish even said that he and Dr. Shroff are debating about what Monica has and discussing ways to fix it. Dr. Sudeep we have the closest relationship with because he is here twelve hours per day, six days per week. He has a very good rapore with Monica - he really listens to everything she has to say, knows how to make her laugh, and can explain everything happening to her in metaphors which helps both of us understand. The three doctors have a very close relationship working together and it is exciting to see such team work - after all this time, I finally found our doctor "House" in three very dedicated doctors brainstorming and working towards a solution for my girl!

I am volunteering about 40 hours per week and loving it. I am writing a Welcome Packet for the hospital to give to each patient when they arrive. I love doing this type of work and am good at the details. I started and thought it would be a small packet and now I am up to about 30 pages. There are so many questions when you get here and so much information passed to each other is incorrect. I thought having it all down in a packet would eliminate a lot of griping. The griping is because no patient really knows what is going on. I believe the hospital is going through growing pains. They have policies and procedures but none are written down for us. I took a cold shower for ten days because I could never figure out how to get my solar powered shower hot. You turn the handle to the middle - wait a long time for it to warm up - then turn the handle to the left. Basic stuff but you have to know it. I am getting complete freedom to create things - forms, etc. to help out. I am even trying to figure out being a tourist and how to recommend places for people to see in the packet. It touches on all areas and I am beginning to understand how the hospital works and it's limitations due to culture and customs.

Working has been very good because it gives me time away from Monica (I work in the common room on the hospital's computer) and this has helped her develop independence. The nurses are supportive of me leaving her alone in her room or going out for a walk or being with another caregiver. Monica has a buzzer she can push if she needs something or if there is an emergency. I have been too afraid for the past two years to leave her alone. I will always let her play with a friend (I can do a chore then) or be with her dad or the boys, but I have had very few moments where I am "off" and not thinking about her. Being here has been such a gift to me because I am able to find a better balance and show her that I am a well-rounded, complex, social person. I believe my family has forgotten who I really am, but here I feel that the "net" is there to catch either one of us if we fall.

It took sometime but we now have a group of people playing nightly games of Rummikub in the common room with Monica. I keep going out to buy new games to see if I can keep them all interested and we bring snacks too. We have quads and paras playing. Rummikub continues to be everyone's favorite. We even got Dr. Sudeep to play one evening and he had a great time. He was so impressed with Monica's ability to process the math and logically develop strategic plays. Her brain has always been very good at math. Therefore, it is hard to comprehend that she cannot remember a paragraph she just read. Rummikub has been a great game to create a sense of community and everyone has become such good friends through laughter.

This is exactly where we should be; I feel it and want it so badly for Monica. It is going to happen!

On a Different Note

Yesterday a friend messaged me on Facebook one of the most amazing messages I have ever read. She and I don't know each other very well, and have only talked a couple times through mutual friends. My friend has known since she met me that I am sick, but she never knew to what extent I am sick until reading my blog. When I checked my Facebook this afternoon I was surprised she had left me a message. I would love to share the message with everyone (with her permission of course) and tell you why it meant so much to me. This what she messaged me saying:

hi monica,
i know we never have been that close and i've only talked to you a few times back at blach, but today i read your blog on your trip to india, and it seriously moved me to tears. i knew that you were sick, but i never new the extent of what you were going through. reading about the symptoms you are going through and all the procedures you are having makes me so thankful for my health, but at the same time i wish i could do something to make you healthy. i just want you to know that i hope you are doing well, and my prayers are with you.

After reading this I was at a loss for words. To tell you the truth it almost made me cry. People have always told me that my story affects others, but others had never told me it affected them so I never really believed them. She finally told me. I hope that when you get a little glimpse of everything I go through on a daily basis, you realize your how precious your health really is. Your health is the one thing of everything around you to not take for granted, for everything can change in a second. I used to take it for granted, I admit that. I used to think I was invincible like I could never get sick. You have to remember that everything can slip away in a moment, so appreciate what you have because there are people out there who don't have the things you have. I want to thank you all for following my blog and reading about what I go through. I know you will never fully understand what I am going through and how hard it is, but you know it is there. It's hard to share with everyone what I have to deal with because I don't want to be classified as the girl who is sick. Thank you for giving me the time to do it, and actually listen (or read).

Some people comment on my positive attitude about it all. The truth is I'm scared out of my mind of the unknown thing that has attacked and taken over my body. Even though it's scary, it's the cards I was dealt and I decided I'm not going to dwell and complain about it. I'm going to live as best I can and whatever I can't do I know I have people behind me who will make it possible for me to do it. I will never get better if I constantly am telling myself I am stuck with this the rest of my life. Even if I am stuck with this the rest of my life, I'm still going to be out there making the best of it. You only get to live once :)

By the way we hit our month mark, we have officially been here a month and if we don't change our date should be home in a month too!

Rummikub

Rummikub is a game played with little tiles and the goal is to get rid of all of your tiles first. Your first move has to equal a total of 30 points (it's fairly difficult) and after you get your 30 you start working to get rid of all your other tiles. To get rid of tiles you put them down in either a sequence of the same color (a blue five, six, seven) or in three or four of a kind that are multicolored (a yellow, red, blue, and black thirteen). I have grown up playing this game, maybe since I was seven or eight, and it's always been one of my families favorite games to play together. Well my mom brought it with us to India to play when we get bored. Good thing she brought it because now every night, it's becoming a ritual, a couple of the patients all sit around a table in the recreation room and play. I originally was the only one who knew how to play, but I've taught around six or seven people how to play. We all go down usually after dinner comes (whatever time that may be) and play for a couple hours. The only bad part is you can only play with four people at a time so sometimes someone gets left out, but they still watch and help out when they see a move. It's really fun to play with everyone because it gives us all something to do, keeps our brains going, and let's us have fun and get to know each other better. I love going down and hanging out for a couple hours talking, laughing, and just having fun. It definitely helps to keep your mind off of some upcoming procedure that you are nervous about, but it's also a good time to ask all questions you have about the procedure. We get pretty side tracked in talking about stuff that we forget who's turn it is quite often. Our rules are somewhat more lenient than the real rules because we like to have everyone to be able to play equally so we'll start swapping tiles to help someone get their thirty. Playing Rummikub with everyone helps me not worry about the treatment and keeps things light which is always good.

I've really only written about the good changes that have been happening, but to get the good changes you have to go through the bad ones. After my first procedure, the caudal, I had problems swallowing for four days. I quit eating and it was extremely difficult to drink anything. On the fourth day though everything went back to normal and I didn't have any other problems with swallowing until my second procedure, the epidural. Since finishing my epidural procedure I've been having difficulties swallowing again, but this time I know how important it is to eat and drink regularly so I am forcing myself to eat and drink as much as possible. The doctor checked out my neck and throat this morning and said my tonsil is enlarged (they are already massive) so he gave me antibiotics and we are hoping it will go back to it's normal size soon. My neck is also a little swollen right now, which isn't fun and could be contributing to why it's hard to swallow. Also since my epidural procedure my vision has been worse than usual. It's a lot more blurry than usual (which I've said in a previous post), but hopefully soon it'll start clearing up. We tried doing stem cell eye drops to see if it would do anything and so far no results, but they say it can take some time. Yesterday I wrote about in the post before this was not a very good day. Overheating, blurry vision, and difficulty swallowing definitely don't make your day very enjoyable. t really showed me that this isn't going to be easy, it's going to be REALLY hard, but I have to push through it if I want to get to my ultimate goal of being healthy again.I'm going to have to deal with the bad things that come up and think about the positive benefits from it instead of dwelling on the negatives. It's going to take a long time, but I know this is the place I need to be and it's worth every penny.